Infidelity

Infidelity, says the media, is rampant, way beyond the guesses of folk wisdom. One wouldn't be too far off to simply throw up one's hands and moan that everyone is unfaithful. Even within the confines of my strict, formal, educated, religious greater family on three Continents, everyone was unfaithful: mother, father, uncle, brothers, children, all three wives, and very likely one or another of my grown children. That's the truth; if you're clucking in horror I dare you to take a really, truly close look at your own greater family. Not in my family, but in some families there is an agreement to permit discreet infidelity, perhaps tacit, as well as understood. 'For the children's sake,' a decision is made to not end the marriage, or the 'violent' alternative, divorce. Oh, some say divorce is good for the children, while others, me included, know it is immeasurably destructive.  

Yet, that's definitely not what we all want. What we want is a soulmate. "Ever since I can remember I've longed for a soulmate," writes Linda Schierse Leonard in the preface to her challenging and fascinating book On The Way To The Wedding, (1986). This book has been on my mind for many years; I bought at least five copies, shipped them off to friends, then lost my copy, and just got it back via Daedalus Catalogue. Not one of those friends had anything to offer about the contents of the book. I bought my initial copy, by the way, at The Sisterhood book store in Westwood very close to the UCLA campus. Most of their books were Feminist.  Most men, most men ready to be frank, are fascinated by Feminist books, especially if they contain anything about sex. Men, for example, are endlessly fascinated by the Lesbian connection.

Here's a taste of the book from the table of contents.

Part One: The wandering

1. Through the woods

2. Prince Charming and the Special Princess

3. The Ghostly Lover

4. The Bewitchment

5. The Demon Lover

6. The Ring of Power

Successful lovers teach each other their subjective methods of pleasure, something that usually leads to prolonged sessions when time and place allows. What that can lead to are specific connections not available in snatched infidelities, which fact, I guess, accounts for those faithful marriages that are accomplished; many a tryst must have come a cropper when one or another of the lovers suggested techniques was anathema to the new thrill-of-the-moment.  

(I think I've reached the end of my 25,000 character entry limit. No, just kidding. But this stuff sure is tough to talk about, even though we do live in a much more open society than almost anywhere else in the world. Yet, if that's so, why do our marriages shipwreck so often?)

Barry