Some writer I greatly admire but strangely can't remember at this precise moment said, in effect, that the end of fiction writing is to describe the sex act, "...but how do you get there?"** What's amazing about whoever it was that wrote that - the name might come to me before I finish writing this entry - is that you'd think he, of all people, would just dive in. But no, even he was scared. I'm scared. And not just about the act, but love in all its guises and expressions. My summary: It's smart to be scared, but cowardly not to dive in - if I may be so crude - when the prize is nearly won. One steps into the unkown, with prayers of thanks.
My very favorite book on love and sex is titled On The Way To The Wedding, by Linda Schierse Leonard, Pub: Shambhala, 1986. Here's the table of contents:
The Wandering
1. Through the woods
2. Prince Charming and the Special Princess
3. The Ghostly Lover
4. The Bewitchment
5. The Demon Lover
6. The Ring of Power
The Loving
7. Into the Clearing
8. The Missing Bridegroom and the Woman in Black
9. Beauty and the Beast
The Wondering
10. The Devine wedding
11. The Veil
12. The Vow
13. The Ring of Love
So, there's the menu. Enjoy.
The best nuts and bolts book I've ever read, which probably should be read together by the lovers, but in cold hard practice read separately is probably best, except perhaps by teenage married couples, is titled The Art of Sexual Ecstasy, by Margo Anand. Hot! Handle with care: For adults only. (Teenagers, some, can certainly be "adult.")
The single biggest and most surprising conclusion I've come to about sex, beside the obvious that everything goes best in marriage, is that the bond ultimately is fueled by the senses, but is maintained by somewhat frightening psychological connections. Marriages fail, obviously, at least obvious to me now, when these intricate psychological connections are not in place.
The Leonard book given first above, treats those connections in a sweet, poetic way; they can also be discussed bluntly in the manner of Freud, but in today's climate of anti-psychoanalysis I'll probably avoid that angle until I simply can no longer resist. May I leave you hanging with a promise to return?
Love,
Barry
** Norman Mailer (Give the guy a break!)
2 comments:
The single biggest and most surprising conclusion I've come to about sex, beside the obvious that everything goes best in marriage, is that the bond ultimately is fueled by the senses, but is maintained by somewhat frightening psychological connections. Marriages fail, obviously, at least obvious to me now, when these intricate psychological connections are not in place.
Barry
Hi, its me Bea again.
I wonder about your statement above about the psychological involvment in sex and mariage?
I have been married for over 23 years to one guy. I married young and getting old now LOL.
But about the sexual thing with marriages is not just fueled by senses and psychological meanings.
It is rather a give and take and understanding between the both of them.
In marriage sex can be as eluding as a criminal to the police. If you are not willing to make the best of asking your mate what it is you want, no matter what the psychological connection is, it wont further the togetherness of partners.
Sex in marriages is like discovering a new dexterity of the old bump and grind methods. It in its self can be the psychological connection to the marriage.
If there is a problem in either the sex or the psychological connection than the senses will fail in being fueled.
That and many other factors are the problem in todays marriages.
If you want to go further into the failing of todays marriages, I am willing to discuss it with you.
BEA
Ordinarily I'd thank you profusely for your comment
by sending an email, which I'll probably do in addition.
You've given me a green light, I figure, so I'm enormously
grateful because you are for me a role model of solidarity,
faithfulness, commitment, and tolerant permissiveness.
Your comment likens part of the drama of sex to the actions of
the police and a criminal. I'll have to look that up when I email you.
Made me laugh. Sex sure has its funny aspects. I'm certain
your admirable husband knows what a treasure he has in you.
I figure in writing on the subject I'm perforning a service. In
the news we hear so often the most ghastly sex-related crimes
one can't help wondering if crimes of sex are on the rise, or whether
reporting them has escalated. I can hardly believe how strict
I've become in protecting my children. When I was a child in
Australia I could roam free, and still be safe. I know every single second where my children are. The necessity for that is so sad.
Thanks Bea! (Hug)
Barry
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